There are a number of things we experience in life that sweep us off our feet, cause us to react in ways we did not think possible and have an effect on us for the rest of our lives.
Loss is one of those things and in this, article we explore different ways to deal with loss. Loss is defined as the process or act of losing something or someone; our approach will be looking at the aspect of losing someone.
One of the signs of progressing in life is the loss of people around us and by loss, we mean death. Being reminded of our mortality and what lies after is something some of us tend not to be interested in for various reasons such as I am young, or I do not want to think of negative things or things along those lines.
Whether or not we choose to be reminded, it is something that is all around us and it does not have to be negative. There are a number of quotes that come to mind to help put things in perspective. One is a scripture that says it is better to go to a funeral than a party because death is the destiny of every man – what a thought eh?
Regardless of the circumstances, loss happens and we are either directly impacted by it or indirectly through the people we know who are going through a difficult time. What is the best way to deal with loss and what is the best way of dealing with the process of losing someone or something you love?
Take Your Time
It is a process and in many cases, a long process and the toll a loss can have on you is not immediately understood as there are different phases in this process so this is why you need to take your time to come to terms with how you are feeling.
In situations where the loss was sudden, the shock alone can take a days if not weeks so allow yourself time to come to terms with what has happened. It normal to seek answers as to why it happened. In someone other cases the process of loss is slow and we dread the final day where we can interact with the person. This can cause anxiety, worry and emotional fatigue.
Speak with the Right People
It is not uncommon to shut everyone out and be by yourself when you are going through a loss and while this is an attempt to try and make sense of the situation, you also need to speak with the right people.
Be honest about your feelings, tell them how you feel and if someone going through loss reaches out to you, make yourself available and listen to what they are saying. It may not make sense to you but it helps them with coming to terms with what has happened.
Speaking with different people should also help in this process and it includes bereavement counsellors or family members or close friends. Take your time and verbalise how you feel and what your plans are for the future too as it will help you look forward.
The Memories
The memories shared with that person or pet you have lost can literally bring a smile to you face. Think of the memories as investments into you future that are now paying off.
That photo, that part of the house or the garden or the car, or the restaurant or whatever it was you shared with that person, think about those moments as they are a source of strength.
Stay Active
Exercise is beneficial in times like this and in our article we discuss some of the benefits. Going for a walk, a jog, cycling or whatever it is you do will help keep you in good spirits.
Being active is good for your mental wellbeing and you need to be in a good frame of mind to deal with the aftermath of the loss. You can be active with someone, or with a club too as that will help you meet people with similar goals and your recovering process can continue. It is also important to get good rest after being active. You can read our article on how to get good rest.
Change your Environment
As much as you want the memories, sometimes you need to change the environment. You may need to change your furniture or redecorate depending on what the circumstances are.
Having a change of environment albeit gradual in your home for example or just travelling somewhere for a number of days allows you to unwind and rest. It takes your mind away from the situation and exposes you to a new environment and potentially new experiences that will keep your spirit lifted.
Try Something New
In the moment of grieving and dealing with loss, it is not uncommon for you to make decisions seemingly on a whim but, it is a good idea to try something new so take some time to think about it.
Trying something new can help with the process of dealing with loss and this new thing could be a new hobby, cooking, dancing, going to shows or anything you may not have done before.
Be careful to ensure you are ready to be in a relationship during this process because there is an element of vulnerability and the last thing you want is someone taking advantage of you. Try new things yes. Exercise caution, absolutely.
Get Counselling Early
This point is very critical to your recovery. From experience I discovered that if counselling is not done at an early enough stage, then the need for it tends to dwindle because each time you go, you are reliving a moment you a trying to get away from.
For the counselling to be effective you will need in many cases to narrate what happened and how it made you feel. Two or three weeks into the event is not that bad however a few months down the line, having to narrate the whole thing and how I felt about it has the effect of dragging me back to a place I am trying to move from.
This may not be true for every situation and everyone is different and handles loss in their own way and that is worth bearing in mind.
Look to the Future
There is always another day so while you take time out to heal, think of tomorrow and the day after. Ultimately life goes on and depending on what your responsibilities are, you may have children, co-workers or other people who depend on you.
Looking to the future can help you remain accountable to yourself with regards to how you live your life and what you will like to be remembered for. You can make the decision to be the best version of yourself and that includes every good thing you wish for yourself. This is the time to do it.
Live on Purpose and Focus
The truth is, the pain from the loss will not leave but we learn to live with it. One effective way to come back stronger from loss, it to decide to live on purpose. Your life is not an accident and you should not live as though it is.
Have a plan for what you want to accomplish and focus on it until you succeed. It is easier said and whilst that is true, it is an essential part of recovering from the effects of loss and leading a successful life.
